DOSE:	repeated	vaporized	Methamphetamine	(powder / crystals)
	repeated	smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

185 lb

I'm 32 and smoke about an 1/8th of weed a week. I've been doing that for about 12 years. It helped me stop snorting and smoking cocaine and various other drugs, which I started doing when I was 17. I have tried most drugs, but I don't do anything except smoke weed anymore. 4 years ago I smoked maybe 1.5 grams of crack one night and before that it had been about 4 years since I did mdma and cocaine for a few months.

About 8 months ago I stopped smoking weed for 2 months. This is something I've wanted to do for quite awhile and was pretty happy having stopped, however I didn't notice much difference from when I smoked (probably need to give it more time). At the end of those 2 months something I haven't experienced before happened while I was traveling. I laid in bed all night long craving cocaine/crack. I was sweaty and my mind found it very difficult to focus on anything but a way to get some. I ended up laying in bed for about 9 hours and getting possibly 1 hour of sleep. I don't know if the cessation of smoking weed contributed, but it's odd that the only time this happened thus far in my life coincided with about the time it would take my 12 years of weed abuse to clear out.

When I got home I got some weed as I thought it would help subside the craving. It didn't satisfy the desire for cocaine, but it did delay the search. For the next 6 months I thought of ways to get cocaine and I continued smoking weed. The plan was I would get some and have a powerful weekend and afterwards would feel like such crap it wouldn't be on my mind anymore. That's what happened 4 years ago and I was hoping it would happen again.

I have a great job that I've worked years to secure and any plan to get coke couldn't be too risky as I'm finally in a good spot in life and shouldn't jeopardize it. But of course there's going to be risk. So I was patient even though it was on my mind a lot. The other issue is I was with a great girl who didn't do anything and we spent every weekend together - so I obviously wouldn't be doing anything on the weekends. I ended up breaking up with her a couple weeks ago and I question myself as to the motive. I hope I didn't do it to give myself an opportunity to get wasted one weekend, but I think it did play a part.

The plan was and still is that I would get wasted one weekend, feel like crap, re-evaluate the relationship that just ended and hopefully get the thought of cocaine out of my head again by reinforcing to myself how it kinda sucks and doesn't really do anything positive. This might sound counter-intuitive, however I succumbed that one night 4 years ago and the following 4 years have been absolutely amazing for me with no desire to do it again (until 8 months ago obviously).

So with a weekend free, a bunch of money in the bank and a weekend just starting, I found an escort that advertised as if she got high. I called her up and met her at a hotel. Right off the bat I asked if she got high and she said yes; however, her drug of choice was crystal meth. I knew this was possible before visiting her, so I wasn't caught off guard or making a decision I wasn't prepared for. I figured they're both uppers and they both will make me feel like crap if I spend a weekend doing them. That's all I wanted.

She called up a few dealers and got one who could supply us. We drove over, picked up $80 worth (40 for her and 40 for me) then stopped at a gas station to get a pipe for me. She explained the whole smoking process and high as we were driving. Once we got back she loaded up a bowl and took a hit. Then she gave it to me and I took a decent sized hit.

The smell and taste of the meth smoke reminded me of crack. It's been a long time, so I'm not sure that's accurate, but I immediately was reminded of it. There was a rush for me and I recognized it as a speedy euphoric high, but not nearly as intense as a hit of crack. Still, it felt great. The escort got a call then and someone was coming over in 10 minutes, so it was time for me to scoot - I got what I wanted and was glad someone else called because I really had no desire to stay (except now I felt pretty good and probably would have been a lot more suggestible).

When I got home I loaded a bowl and smoked 2 hits. It felt good. I also smoked some weed, because it's a habit. I was euphoric and speedy. Time went by very quickly. I didn't really know how much I was supposed to do, but I kept doing a couple hits every hour or 2 I think. Every now and then I would get a sinking feeling in my stomach - the type you get when you realize your high won't last forever. I would either smoke a little more then, or just take deep breaths. Taking deep breaths and waiting it out was the better choice. Being used to smoking coke I thought that hitting it again would make me feel better instantly, but I quickly realized that wasn't quite true. It might wake me up a little more, but the same rush wasn't happening anymore. If I just waited the sinking feeling out, I would shortly thereafter feel the euphoria again.

So I started this all on a Friday at around 9pm. By Saturday at 3pm (which felt like only maybe 2 hours) I started thinking about how much I did, when I would be able to fall asleep, what type of repercussions there might be and all that crap. I looked at the remaining crystals and figured I had smoked about half of the $40 bag. From what I gather, that would have been approximately .25 grams. I did 2 more hits around 4 or 5pm because, well, because I was high and wanted to keep feeling good. That was the last meth I smoked.

Around 6pm I could tell I was tired as my head would start nodding a bit and I was starting to get the paranoid feelings I get when I see normal shadows. But my mind wasn't tired and it couldn't concentrate on anything. Any thought would come in fuzzy and disappear shortly thereafter.

I smoked some more weed as I realized I was done smoking crystal meth and I needed to start the process of coming down. I feel like it helped a bit, but I don't have anything to compare it to. By 9pm my body was telling me it was tired (I had been up for about 38 hours at that point) but my mind still couldn't concentrate on anything. Around 11, after smoking some more weed, I was able to close my eyes and keep them closed and feel genuinely tired. I laid down on the couch and couldn't keep my eyes open any longer and fell asleep.

I woke up a few times throughout the night and didn't get any good sleep at all. At 4:30am I woke up and felt like I couldn't go back to sleep. I was completely apathetic with a slight twinge of regret and worry. I could think of absolutely nothing that I currently desired or would interest me. If I hadn't known better, I probably would have panicked a little bit at how I felt, but I've been through enough to realize time heals and in all honesty, if I had emotions at the time I would have been happy that I did exactly what I set out to do - feel like crap so I hopefully wouldn't want to do it again.

So I started smoking weed again just after waking up, hoping that it would help speed up recovery or make me tired again so I could sleep. It didn't really make me tired, although I think it did make me a bit more comfortable with the situation. I got on the web and started reading about people's experiences with meth and realized I needed to drink more water than I had and should probably get some food in. I did start drinking water but couldn't bring myself to eat until around 11am.

It's now 12:30pm and I've been smoking weed since I woke up. I threw away the remaining meth and the pipe as soon as I woke up as I cannot give myself the opportunity or even the thought that it can continue. It can't. It's a drug that I can easily tell could be absolutely destructive. The fact that $20 can keep you up for days (without even realizing how you're not sleeping) is ridiculously dangerous if you ask me. The comedown wasn't bad for me compared to cocaine, but the odd part is that I'm not sure if I've actually come all the way down yet. With coke I knew it - I would spend a little time looking for crumbs basically just to occupy myself, and then give up and lay down until I would fall asleep (which could take awhile). But when I would wake up from coke, I would know it was over. I would feel drained and disgusting, but had no doubt after a nice meal and 1 more night sleep I would be ok. I'm not sure about meth, I think I might feel the lethargy for a couple days.

As far as it being effective at doing what I hoped it would do - i.e. having a blast of a weekend and feeling like total crap so I could stop thinking about doing coke - I don't know yet. In the last couple hours I've gotten momentary panicky feelings that it didn't help and I'll be exactly where I was before but now think about meth too. If I feel myself going down that road, I feel that I can stop it by actively trying to (NA meetings, talking to people, start working out again) as I'm not a regular user, just have an addicts mind I suppose.

Anyway, I certainly hope I never do it again. What good will come out of it? Nothing.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 103245
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 32
Published: Dec 16, 2024	Views: 28
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Methamphetamine (37) : Combinations (3), First Times (2), Various (28)