DOSE:	100 mg		Pharms - Sertraline	(daily)
	2 hits	sublingual	LSD

BODY WEIGHT:

220 lb

Background: I’m an problem drinker with OCD, desperately trying to finish college. Everything in life seemed dull and bleak, but after some research I realized acid may be just what I need.

I had 2 hits of LSD that I purchased a few months ago sitting around, waiting for the right opportunity. 2 nights ago, I decided it was time. Around 9:10 I placed the first dose under my tongue and noticed a slight bitter taste. Having been warned about the dangers of nBOMEs, I erred on the side of caution and swallowed them. I’d taken shrooms before (2g each time) and enjoyed it, but knew that the SSRIs I’ve been taking since I was 15 weren’t letting me trip as hard as the others.

Apparently I got some damn good acid, because there was no mistaking the fact that I was tripping balls. It took 40 minutes or so to kick in, and this was like nothing before. It was hard to focus for a while, even enough to move my cursor around the screen. It was raining pretty hard outside, and honestly even if it wasn’t I was too couch locked to move to the door. I put on Family Guy, the episode where Brian and Stewie start taking Adderall and Quagmire/ Peter/ etc get on a cooking show. It was a really spiritual experience, oddly enough, though I can’t remember much of what I took away from it.

I started to understand why this was such a more “spiritual” drug. At this point I felt like my 16 year old self (who was a lot more mentally healthy) talking to my current self from within my body. I was reassuring myself that any doubts I have about my character just affirm the fact that I am a good person, because if I wasn’t, it wouldn’t bother me if I wasn’t acting like one. It felt 1000x more real than alcohol or weed.

I put on a few songs by Bruce Hornsby and New Edition, and at this point the visuals are kicking in hard, with shapes shifting and flowing, words moving in and out of the screen. The music gives more pleasure than it ever has, much like a sixth sense. I couldn’t blink, my eyes felt huge. I’m still immobile at this point, looking at old pictures of hot girls on my computer. I keep trying to load ones I have of my love interest, which is a long story in and of itself, but I just can’t make it to them. I suppose that’s because this trip is meant to be about me, not her.

I eventually get to thinking about how stupid alcohol seems compared to this. The feeling I get from it is just hedonistic pleasure that doesn’t do anything for my life, much like the cheetos I was munching on, which I then put down.

Then, I put on Aphex Twin’s Xtal, the 800% slowed version. This is when things started to get intellectual. I can feel all of the little amino acids that come together to make humanity function, and just how incredible it is that we exist and get thousands of tiny little functions right each day, and that we should be a bit less hard on ourselves when it comes to the small things in life.

At this point I feel very much like the part of “2001: A Space Odyssey” after the astronaut falls into the black hole. Parts of the song I never noticed before are making me think and it’s very pleasurable, almost sexually. I get to thinking about how after everything the world throws at its organisms to kill them, my current combination of DNA, energy and genes is the best it’s come up with. It hasn’t beat me. This is where the determination to cut down on drinking starts, and while I’m not cured yet by any means, for the first time I can see how tripping influences many to quit/ cut down on addictions.

I get to thinking about what a waste it would be to let alcohol, something so hedonistic and soulless, be the undoing of this miraculous combination of matter that has survived the antagonizing forces of the world. Then it hits me how many people let the id get in their way, especially with regards to sex, and treat it as the end-all-be-all of human pleasure while neglecting their spiritual being, which is all we really have and all that matters. When I didn’t succumb to the world throwing sexual pleasure at me, it then threw alcohol and I was falling for it. I had a new desire not to let the id control me. I wanted to see the wonderful nature of the world again, it felt like Scrooge after seeing the third ghost.

It was much like realizing the Sirens in “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” were trying to lure me, but with alcohol. And I wasn’t fighting back. I was neglecting all the things that really mattered to my spiritual self with a stupid poisonous drug. If I keep it up, I will lose. That’s how the world was planning to win and I wanted to defeat it. Most importantly I learned that I had to sleep with one eye open, so to speak, and watch out for what forces against me were cooking up. But the fact that I was alive was enough to prove that I can win against them.

At this point it was about 3AM, and the thoughts are just kind of looping. No sleep happened that night. By 7AM, I got in the shower and was surprisingly energetic, and was out the door much earlier than usual. The bus ride to campus seemed cartoonish, and all the cars driving through the rain were amusing. Of course, getting to school I finally understood why they called the time after LSD being “fried”, I had no idea how I would make it to the end of the day. This was my only real regret of the trip, that I didn’t have time to really be at peace and think about what I had experienced. Instead I felt completely burned out.

I try finding a napping spot in the basement of a building, but after 2 hours of sitting wide awake staring at my phone, I find the energy to walk to the local sandwich shop to eat. I’m sober at this point, but feeling positive and the visuals are still there. The rain is gone and the world looks inviting. It looks real. After that, I pick up a pint of liquor at the convenience store next to it just to be safe. There were 4 tweakers inside bugging the guy behind the register, and I just thought how grateful I was not to be at that point and to never let myself get there. On the bus ride home, I noticed the beautiful colors of the buildings, plants and clouds. Eventually I got home and fell asleep for 3 hours.

The most profound part of this all was that I found myself again, if not entirely. The world seemed like a more interesting, colorful and real place than the mundane drag that it was before. I know there’s much work ahead of me, but I now see it as a challenge rather than a chore. That’s because I see alcoholism as not a crutch, but my nemesis. My undoer. Something to be defeated. It really was like coming back into the world again.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 110094
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 24
Published: May 20, 2025	Views: 20
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