DOSE:

3.2 g

oral

Mushrooms - P. cubensis

BODY WEIGHT:

50 lb

Unexpectedly intense trip for 3 grams, effects started just 10 minutes after drinking tea. Music quickly became too intense, I turned on my ambient playlist, and even ambient became too intense later. So I turned off the music, but then music started playing in my head - drums, rhythm I never heard before. First time ever had auditory hallucinations.

Waves of magical euphoria, similar to mdma, euphoria in the body, in the head, in the mind. Feeling of coming home, to that very space I know so well. Lost the borders of myself very quickly. All thoughts and inner dialogue suddenly stopped. Floated on the waves of euphoria for first 15 minutes or so.

Intense open eye visuals, patterns in the space and on all surfaces. Went to bedroom to S. (my husband), hugged him. He was watching a video, but the speech of a man in the video begun to mix with my thoughts and confuse me, so I asked to turn it off. It was hard to speak. Waves of anxiety and tension, it was expected - tension and anxiety were in all my trips last year, because my country is at war and I experience a lot of anxiety.

Felt like all the functions of my brain broke down. Everything was mixed up, boundaries of me disappeared and I merged with everything. Chaos, boiling fractal sea of ​​all forms. I looked straight into infinity. Dissolved in it, my body and consciousness was decomposed, disassembled and there was only this infinity. Abyss. All there is as a single being, I returned to a state I experienced years ago on 8 grams. Like a door opened in me then and never closed.

Then I got lost in my shirt and couldn't get out of it. S. helped me and showed me that I tore my shirt somewhere. But I couldn't remember how it happened. It was my favorite shirt. S. said that I could sew it up, maybe. I said no the shirt will never be the same, just like my brain haha. He laughed.

S. prepared a bath and also gave me a massage and we took a bath. Hot water was so pleasant. He hugged me, I lay in his arms coming in and out of consciousness. Remembered all the times I died in his arms and these hands were the only thing connecting me to this world. All reality dissolved and I fell out of this world to a dream and disappeared, so far away and nothing was left of me. Bliss, like in mother's womb. Waves of anxiety too sometimes. I traveled some indescribable ancient primordial worlds, moving slowly through the unfolding spaces, laying there for what seemed like a very long time. Thinking of war and death too.

At some moment visuals weakened and I saw the walls of a bathroom again. Came back to bed. There was an infinity above me and I danced with it, taking different forms, space and consciousness were the same thing. Waves of terror and scary images, I asked the space - what do you want to show me with it? Show me. And when I let go and was totally open, space changed and a feeling of miracle came to me.

Listened to some Dead Can Dance albums, dancing, then drowning in dreams again. Magical, infinite night. I was lost and dissolved in beauty. My body was one with a body of a god, a dancing statue with little ringing bells. I could dance much better than in sober state, my body moved differently. Body dissolved in space, mind disintegrated in parts, shimmering infinity was above my head. Spirits danced in ecstasy in the light of a lamp.

I wanted to sit in complete darkness and silence. Went to the bathroom, sat on the cold floor. I gazed into darkness and summoned all my fears, demons came and I said to them you can eat me if you're hungry, they ate a little but were not too hungry, and I just disappeared in the darkness. I thought about sex, that it's a sacred thing, I realised that porn is really not a good thing for me, it makes sex something empty, deprives it of magic. I felt sad because I realised how watching porn affected me, and decided to stop watching it at all. Also accepted my body and saw that all bodies are beautiful and I don't necessary need to be thin, before I could only feel beautiful if I was thin, but I realised it doesn't matter at all.

S. knocked on the door, asked if everything was ok and I crawled out of the bathroom naked like some crazy creature and start crawling on the floor imagining that I'm a lizard. I asked how much time had passed since the beginning of the trip. S. said, half an hour. I stared at him in amazement and then realised it's a joke and climbed on top of him yelling "you think this is funny" he was laughing and we cuddled in the bed for a while, then a rain with thunderstorm began and we went to the balcony. There was a thunderstorm and huge lightning all over the sky. And my sky also was all in fractals and I merged with it. It was 2 hours from start.

Then I asked for a bdsm session, there was hot wax shibari and spanking and sex. Sensations intensify, pain and pleasure become same thing. Most people would probably not enjoy it in this state so I don't recommend but I do enjoy it. Then the effects began to gradually subside. I spent some time drawing and observing random places the internet, tried to play guitar but couldn't. Then we played night crawlers and I listened to some more music and fell asleep. One of the best trips.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 117195
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 27
Published: Apr 22, 2025	Views: 15
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Music Discussion (22), Sex Discussion (14), Entities / Beings (37), Small Group (2-9) (17)